You’re John Tavares and you’re an eight-year-old hockey phenom in Ontario. You’re playing above your age group and still dominating. You’re John Tavares and now you’re 14 and people in your camp successfully petition the Ontario Hockey League to waive its age rules and allow you to be eligible for selection in the priority draft under an “exceptional talent” clause. You’re John Tavares and things go perfectly according to plan, dominating the OHL, scoring 45 goals as a 15-year-old and going on to break Peter Lee’s career OHL record with 215 over four seasons. You’re John Tavares and after a decade of hype about being one of the best Canadian hockey talents to come along since Gretzky, Lemieux and Crosby, you’re the No. 1 pick in the NHL and sign with the New York Islanders. You’re John Tavares, a regular with the Islanders and in your first two seasons . . . well, you may as well be in the witness protection program. Has John Tavares fallen off the face of the earth? Is he still playing hockey? Of course he is. This is his third year in the NHL and it’s easy to get lost or ignored while playing for the Islanders, who are No. 3 in the Greater New York area and among the league’s bottom feeders for the past 20 years or so. The Islanders’ last playoff series victory was in 1992-93. They’ve missed the playoffs 17 times in the previous 22 years. Despite 24 and 29 goals in his first two seasons, Tavares’s hockey profile has faded. So much so that when an ESPN writer recently featured “the top 25 NHL players under the age of 25,” the name of John Tavares was nowhere to be found. Which is ridiculous, of course. Tavares has been around the top 10 scorers in the league all year and is on pace for a 34-goal, 83-point season. Pretty nice numbers. At the age of 21, he’s the fifth-highest  scorer among those 25 and under in the NHL. But  Patrik Berglund, Bryan Little and Sergei Kostitsyn are better than Tavares, according to the so-called sage from ESPN, who should perhaps stick to football or basketball analysis and leave hockey to people who know. Such as almost any Canadian, for instance. As a matter of fact, you are John Tavares and you are on the cusp of becoming an NHL superstar. But then again, we’ve known that since you were eight years old. • Norman Chad of the Washington Post, on three stars of the New England Patriots: “The quarterback (Tom Brady) is married to a supermodel. The wide receiver (Wes Welker) is engaged to a former Miss Hooters International. The tight end (Rob Gronkowski) hangs out with an adult film star. I guess that’s why they’re called “skill positions.” • Comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “The Super Bowl champion New York Giants enjoyed a ticker tape parade down Broadway in New York City.  A terrible traffic jam occurred when Eli Manning’s helmet couldn’t make it between buildings.” • Perisho again: “Former NFL rushing champ Ricky Williams says he is retiring. In other words, they asked him to pee in a cup again.” Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca