Random musings from the alternate keyboard

An anonymous source has revealed that a senior level of government is looking at imposing a methane gas tax.  Cattle and dairy farmers are concerned about how the proposed tax will impact their bottom lines.                                                                              

Officials are working on how they will implement the tax but the anonymous source says “manure counters” could be employed. They would stay in a field for a day or two and keep track of how many times the cows “fertilizes” the field. Each time they produce poop means methane has been released. What this means is if your cow goes to the bathroom, you’re taxed.                                          

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As expected, farm groups are fuming (that will not be taxed…), some say this could lead to a reduction in cattle herds or they could go to extremes like putting diapers on their cattle to keep the fertilizer off the ground.

Less on the ground, less paid in taxes. As one rancher put it, “Our politicians are blowing more than hot air on this one…”

A new movement is slow to take hold

The  Stop Recycling Now organization is having trouble recruiting members. The SRN warns that recycling leads to unemployment in such sectors as forestry and mining. A spokesman says recycling means fewer lumberjacks cutting down trees and that leads to fewer people being hired to replant the trees that have been cut.

Recycling used paper means mills that produce newsprint and other paper types won’t be hiring. That holds true for recycling cans, aluminum and other metals as fewer miners are hired to extract the ore from the ground and fewer people are needed to produce the precious metals in factories.

Companies that build equipment for factories face less demand for their products. The SRN wants jobs recycled, not used materials. A government spokesman was unavailable for comment.

More money into classrooms

Educators across Canada are demanding more money to be poured into classrooms. In a statement released exclusively to the Westman Journal, Professor I. Reedalot stated, “As frontline workers we sees what chilldren needs. Cutbaks aren’t the anser. We need more qualified teechers in the class so kids will have an opportunity to aks and learn from professionals. How are chilldren gonna learn to text  if they doant have the resources to tell them.“
School trustees agree more money is needed because ”that’s what we hear.”

Student organizations, especially those representing universities, say more money invested in grants means more students can afford to go to warmer climates during ‘reading week’. No taxpayer was available for comment. Apparently their phones have been disconnected for not paying their bills . . .

NASA has taken on a new mission                                                                                                                          

The agency has received one trillion dollars from an unknown benefactor to conduct journeys into known realms. The mission is to discover if there’s intelligence in the major capitals of the world. Among the top destinations to see if there’s grey matter between the ears of world leaders is Washington, Ottawa, Winnipeg and Moosomin.

A NASA spokesman says new technology will allow astronauts to hover above a city and take X ray photographs of the top of a person’s head. Such photos, says the spokesman, will reveal if there’s anything in the heads of political leaders that will allow them to think before they speak. 

Meanwhile, a White House spokesman denies that tin foil and lead-lined hats have been handed out to the president and his cabinet…

Thought for the week: Anyone seen an early robin yet?

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