Have you ever been asked, "If stranded on an island, what three things would you want with you?"
My uninformed sources did very little research for me when asked how certain newsmakers would answer this query. Here’s what we came up with.
• Prime Minister Justin Trudeau: a book listing whom to apologize to; some legal marijuana; and a pipeline for water – not oil.
• President Donald Trump: his hairdresser (don't you think even if he was the last person on earth Trump would want THAT hair style?); a mirror with which to stare at himself all day; and whatever he uses to make his skin orange.
• Premier Brian Pallister: a cellphone that works on a remote island; a book on how to govern from afar; and a basketball net.
Here are three things some other individuals might use whenever they please:
• National Hockey League Commissioner Gery Bettman: the book, “Hockey When It’s Hot or Ice is Used For More Than Drinks;” a pair of skates (Have you ever seen Bettman skate?); and honorary citizenship in Saskatchewan. This might improve the province's chances of getting an NHL franchise.
• Westman in general: a tourist attraction that isn't a statue of an animal or fruit; and a summer that doesn’t go from one extreme to another (drought to flood to winter).
How much celebrity news do we really need? These are actual headlines and stories:
“Zac Efron dyed his hair and no longer looks the same:” Perhaps whoever wrote this potential Pulitzer Prize winning piece of journalism didn’t do enough research that would show people usually dye their hair to change how they look.
In this case, it could have been for a movie role or to allow him to go out in public and not be recognized. The transformation was so amazing that 99 out of 100 people we showed a photo to didn't recognize Efron with the dye job. However, the same 99 didn’t recognize his photo before the dye job either.
It seems anything connected to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry is deemed newsworthy and, folks, it’s only going to get worse when their baby is born. You can almost see the headlines now: “Royal baby poops and fills diapers;” “Does Prince Harry have diaper rash:” “Royal baby two months old and still not talking.”
Who can forget the story of the celebrity who escaped serious injury when a tire on the limo he was in hit the curb, causing several passengers to spill the drinks they were holding. The celeb is negotiating with several outlets to tell his story.
The college bowl season is over and the Hollywood awards season is just getting under way. Has anyone ever thought of combining the two? You could call it the “Hollywood Bowl” where athletes would hang out with celebrities and wannabes. A charity event could be held, such as a softball game or fundraising auction including a stint in rehab, with which celebs and athletes are familiar.
Valentine’s Day will soon be upon us. Did you know a Thailand couple holds the record for the longest kiss at 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds?
Our uninformed sources discovered these interesting kiss facts:
The world’s fastest kiss-off belongs to Donald Trump, who basically gave the kiss-off to climate change, common sense and the truth in general.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau showed the country his “kiss this” attitude when it comes to pipelines.
Kissing a co-worker by surprise can lead to getting fired, a jail sentence or a relationship.
Your lips will not stick to the lips of the person you are kissing if that individual can be described as frigid.
A winter observation, or lack thereof: If you don’t scrape the ice off your windshield, you should not be driving your car unless you want to make an MPI claim. Should you collide something, make it a tree or other inanimate object and not another vehicle or pedestrian.
Thought for the week:
The new summer fashions should be in stores by the time you read this.