January’s Christmas bills and some predictions for 2019

Random Musings from the Keyboard: Where Canadians are now "Canuples" and "sure-thing" investment advice is free to the public.

It appears most of us made it through the “festive” season of Black Friday, pre-Boxing Day, Boxing Day before Christmas sales and Christmas sales after Boxing Day. Now, we await the New Year's sales. It's 2019 blowouts, the traditional January white sales and the “If you have any money left come on down and spend it” sales.

Of course, none of the folks wanting you to buy and save now will tell you about what's coming. It's Weeping Wednesday and Blue Thursday; the two days after Christmas that, according to folklore, show an increase in the sales of disposable tissues.

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If there's no postal disruption, the holiday bills start to arrive unless you have received them by email, a service some retailers now provide. They've taken away the illusion that you still have money until the bills arrive by making those bills immediate.

January is the coldest month of the year and is definitely in the top two that are the hardest on your wallet, purse and or plastic money card.

January is also the month of optimism, despite the above. It’s a time when we look forward to what the New Year brings. Hopefully, some of the stuff from last year will not be repeated.

Here are a few predictions for 2019 from the crystal orb.

To make Canada the most inclusive country in the universe, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will ask Ottawa to pass a bill that would ban the following words: man, woman, boy, girl and any of their derivatives; male, female, etcetera.

Anyone living within the geographical borders of Canada will become a “Canuple.” This is a combination of Canadian, the affectionate term Canuck and people.

Our allies will wonder if we are smoking to much of that legal cannabis.

In the United States, President Trump tweets that if he doesn’t start getting his way, he will hold his breathe until he decides not to. Having fired his cabinet secretaries at least once – except his immediate family members – Trump decides that the US government should be run like his business ventures. This means bankruptcy will be declared by mid-summer with Trump suggesting he’s the best president ever and that the country is at fault for not doing things the family way.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will become parents and British bookies won’t be very happy because the new royal arrival will cost them a fortune. Bets were placed on whether it would be a boy or girl. It will be both; the couple will have twins, one of each gender, forcing the bookies to payout  

Meanwhile, Prince Charles won’t become king, but he will spend a lot of time in the throne room after developing irritable bowl syndrome.

Investments to make in 2019

Note: No financial advisers were consulted and no research was completed in this analysis. It would also be advisable not to imbibe in any formerly illegal substance while considering your investment strategy.

• Instant messaging company Twitter. With the worlds most famous twit(ter) President Donald Trump constantly tweeting his thoughts (if that’s what you call what he types out), the value of the company will continue to rise or stay stable as people sign up just to keep up with the president. If he could find a sponsor, I’m sure Trump would have sold his thinking rights by now.

• Put money into companies that produce cannabis edibles. Not everyone can or wants to smoke pot, but they would like to take advantage of the benefits the drug may offer in certain instances. There is potential for a double benefit to this. Eating edibles laced with pot may give a person the munchies, so they could eat twice as much.

This investment will also help if you are considering going green in your portfolio. Putting a few bucks into junk food companies might not be a bad idea either.

• Make an investment in an automaker. Chances are shares are so low now it would be a good time to buy. Also, make sure you can afford to lose your investment in case the industry doesn’t make a comeback.

• If you're looking to make some dough in Westman, invest in pizza dough. More pizza joints will open in the area, also sparking a slight increase in cheese and tomato prices.

• In sports, there will be winners and losers and some self-centered, spoiled athletes will complain that they have to earn their salary under grueling conditions that include playing in outdoor stadiums with no sun roof and having to put up with the chants of unhappy fans who are paying their salary.

• Tiger Woods’ comeback takes a downturn when he is caught with a blanket, picnic basket and two female fans on the 14th green at the fabled Augusta National course.

Quipped one club member: “That's the most action this course has seen in years.”

Woods was fined $5,000 for not putting the flag marker back in the hole.

• And finally, several investors bought a ski hill in Westman and promptly flattened it stating the hill blocked their view of Saskatchewan

Thought for the week:

Have you broken any resolutions yet?

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