As of this writing, I’m pretty sure Mother Nature is mad at us.
What for, you may ask? I haven’t figured that out.
The weather through the first month of autumn was been unseasonal, to say the least. To say the most, it has been frustratingly cold. My memory may be foggy at times, but after talking with other oldsters, no one can remember it ever snowing this much in late September and early October. It’s like some industrial giant dropped a ton of pollutants in Ma’ Nature’s favorite lake and now she’s making us pay for it.
Or, this could be a conspiracy by the corporate machine that manufactures winter clothing.
Think about it. Early predictions call for a long, cold winter. Who would benefit from that? That’s right; winter clothing makers. You will need a parka, toques, mitts and snow boots, as will family members and friends. We’re talking big bucks here, folks.
Climate change may be happening, but it ain’t changing to warm. It’s changing to cold. Not many folks will shell out $100 for a skimpy bathing suit, but they’ll shell out big bucks to keep their assets warm.
That company making shovels and snow blowers – which is probably owned by the same company selling you your parka – also benefits.
If some believe in rainmakers, why can’t there be cold-weather-makers? Ski resorts have artificial snow makers. How would we know if a government or a maniacal billionaire somewhere has a series of snow making machines and wind generating fans hidden in a secret compound that can be used to bring winter whenever they want it?
Before you brush this off as another hair-brained, Donald-Trumpian type of conspiracy theory, give it at least 30 seconds of your time. It’s plausible if not improbable.
Manitobans have the easiest access to alcohol and marijuana in the country. The provincial government set an objective of establishing a pot shop within 10 kilometers of most Manitoban homes, and that has apparently been achieved. This also holds true for alcohol sales. Not all Manitobans have access to a doctor, but we do have access to substances to help numb the pain.
The National Hockey League’s regular season is well underway, so here are some predictions.
• During a pregame warm-up, a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs will skate into a Zamboni and be sidelined for the rest of the season. Irate fans will begin slashing Zamboni tires across the city leaving many rinks without a way to scrape the ice between periods.
The Ottawa Senators – a team in a rebuilding mode – will offer the Maple Leafs a set of Zamboni tires, a bucket of pucks and a seventh-round draft pick in return for a defenseman, a forward and an assistant coach who can tie skates. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman will say trade is legal as long as the tread on the Zamboni tires will last two season.
• Suffering from Stanley Cup burnout, the Washington Capitals will announce that all season ticket holders named Stanley must change their names or lose their seats. The move will be prompted by Russian player Alexander Ovechkin referring to the trophy as the “Stanislav” Cup.
• PETA will ask the Pittsburgh Penguins to change the team’s nickname. The animal rights group argues that penguins are gentle animals and in no way would do some of the things the Penguin hockey players do on the ice. PETA says this gives the creatures a bad reputation so the name should be changed.
PETA will also ask other professional teams named after animals to change their monikers.
We are only two months away from Christmas. Have you seen your first Xmas commercial yet?
The definition of being optimistic is selling your winter tires because the long range forecast calls for a mild winter.
Ever wonder how many Girl Guide cookies the Girl Guides actually eat themselves?
Thought for the week:
Have you had the vehicle winterized yet?