The perfect gift survey and what to get the Prime Minister

Random Musings from the Keyboard from John LoRegio dips into the Holiday season's ubiquitous issue of gift giving.

It seems everyone has the perfect gift idea for you to purchase that would make the recipient the happiest person on the planet.

Until they open the next gift, that is.

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So what is the perfect gift? Is it that diamond that cost a year’s salary; a new car; that new microwave; a pair of socks; or a royal straight flush, a gift one of the guys at the poker table is hoping he gets dealt?

A recent, unscientific survey conducted by an anonymous, “Sometimes we think” tank tried to find the answer. The results may not surprise you.

The perfect gift depends on whom you are asking and when you are asking them.

When asked what he thought the perfect gift would be, a restaurant patron stated it would be cooking lessons for his partner and a sit down meal at home that didn’t involve plastic cutlery and take-out containers. Just think, most of us already have the perfect gift and don’t know it if you go by this person’s response.

A younger respondent says the perfect gift is a tap in the kitchen that pours non stop chocolate milk. White milk was also an option.

A soon-to-be bride asks for the perfect wedding to be her perfect gift. Surprisingly, she didn’t ask for the perfect husband to be part of that perfect day. There was no word on whether she wanted the perfect divorce as part of the package.

As an aside, a perfect wedding does not translate into a perfect marriage. How many times have you heard someone say, “Our wedding day was perfect,” and they are referring to their second or third one?

One suggestion for the perfect gift is a smile. Tell someone a funny story about yourself or a joke and make them smile. Everyone will probably feel good and best of all – if you are like some of us – you don’t have to wrap it.

As grandpa would say, “Everyday I wake up is the perfect gift.”

One of the guys at the poker table has been waiting for years for his perfect gift and may have to continue waiting. He has a tradition of hanging two Christmas stockings on the mantle in the hopes of having them filled by a Hollywood starlet, a Vegas showgirl or a reasonable facsimile.

Another perfect gift could be the thingamajigger with the whichuhmuhcallit attachment that does almost everything with no batteries are required.

As a wise sage once put it, “Every gift you get is the perfect gift.”

What should be under their Christmas tree?

For Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, some hash oil. It might not be legal like marijuana, but it’s probably the only oil he will handle.

For President Donald Trump, Lego building blocks so he can construct his own wall

For our Members of Parliament, fewer days working in Ottawa. This would also be a gift to the Canadian people who won’t have to read or watch their antics.

For some apartment dwellers, soundproofing; because we don’t have to know everything or anything our neighbor does.

For the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, a trip to the Grey Cup; and not just for the festivities, but as a team competing in the game.

For the marijuana stores, enough supply to meet demand for those who get a high during the holidays.

So how much should you spend on gifts this year? You can max-out the credit cards, set a budget or do it the frugal way; re-gift. Wrap it up and give someone else that gift you got last year that you didn’t want and can’t use.

Just make sure you don’t give it to the person who gave it to you.

Remember, if you are buying for me, the present doesn’t have to be big. Just expensive.

A holiday thought: Don’t talk business at the staff Christmas party unless you need a reason to keep drinking.

If you get a lump of coal this Christmas, don't panic. It’s probably worth as much as a barrel of oil.

Can you file an insurance claim for injuries sustained after being hit by shopping carts while gift shopping?

That’s the one thing that takes the fun out of online shopping.  You can’t hit people with your cart (in revenge of course) or say a few choice words to rude shoppers

Thought for the week

How many, if any, laws does Santa break when on his world wide voyage?

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